Big picture day

Today is the beginning of something new. I am not sure what that is yet, but I know it is true for two reasons. First, I didn't put my usual creamer and sugar in my coffee. I love my morning coffee to be sweet, but today I had the self control to not put in sugar in the interest of health. That self control comes from an extra amount of caring about the future, and that is one reason I know that today something has changed for the better. Second, I have a non-paid day off today. That means I have a lot of choices to make about how I spend my time. To make these choices, I have to prioritize my life, which is never a bad thing. On any other weekday, my day would be planned out for me, a series of duties and responsibilities getting checked off until bedtime, with very little time to think about the bigger picture. But now, I have to think. I get to. And something new will come out of it, and it will be good. How do I know? I don't. But I feel it. That is proof enough for me. Carpe Diem!

Hearing my thoughts

It has been 14 months since my last "confession". Forgive me Father. But thank you Father God for inspiring me to write again. I never should have stopped. I had many o' thoughts in my head, but not the time or desire to get them out and process them through writing. So I am back, and hoping to not disappear again.
What will I write about? Whatever current patch of Sonlight I happen to encounter. The tulips in this photo are encountering a nice patch and boy do they look beautiful! If tulips could blog, what would they blog about?
Sometimes I will just ask questions. This morning, a Saturday with no plans, I woke up at 5:30am. I begun to ask myself, "Why do I wake up the earliest on mornings that I could sleep in and have the hardest time waking up when I have to go to work?!" I am not sure why this happens regularly, but for this morning, the answer may have something to do with needing the quiet house to write this blog. Everyone is still asleep and I can actually hear my own thoughts. Maybe I should wake up early every morning and take some time to hear myself, or God, or just sit still in the sunlight like a tulip; soaking it in. My wife asked me yesterday what I want for Father's Day. As I sat there thinking about what I want, I realized that lately I haven't asked myself that much. No ideas where ready to give. I usually just ask myself, "What do I have to do to make everyone else in my life happy and survive the day?" When I have survived the day, gotten my kids to bed, and eventually ask myself what I want, it is usually just to sit, with a beer in hand, watch a movie with my wife, and think about other people's lives before I fall asleep. Sounds kinda sad when I think about it. Knowing there is a problem is the first step to recovery. The second step will come in time. Maybe I will blog about it while I take it. Or maybe I won't. Stay tuned and see.